so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
