So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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