Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Randomize
