Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
