He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
it's great music for shaving your balls
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
