I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
