My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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