Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
