You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
