the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
