why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
