I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I need moral support for this bender
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
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