it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
