I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
wow bdsm is so cute
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
