so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
