Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
