At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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