my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
