Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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