the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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