MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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