I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Randomize
