My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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