dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
