I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
