Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
