Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
