no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
