Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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