you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
my being single is dangerous.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
