We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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