Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
