I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
