Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Randomize
