Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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