i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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