Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize
