genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
