Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
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