you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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