just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I can feel your judgement through the phone
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
