my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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