big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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