I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
