got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Who died my cat blue again?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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