you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
