It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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