Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
