oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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