everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
