May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
