Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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