Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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