When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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