Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
