She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
