oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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