Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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