I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
